Squirrels are Shifty

[JohaN]

For the sake of balance, a thread about protecting oneself against squirrels.

here are places in your house to barricade to protect oneself from them



and this is why you should

[squirrelboutique]

Now wait a dern minute here. Everyone knows the only shifty squirrel is a Tufted Fucking Squirrel.

[humblebee]

Is it red ones or grey ones that are evil? I never know which ones I should be slaughtering.

[linus]

you don't have to slaughter grey squirrels but nutters who like to kill animals and harbour wrong thoughts about small kids often insist you should

they say, 'that pete, that pete, kill the greys, kill the greys' from beneath your window sill and insist the reds are under threat from those greys being full of disease, coming over here and getting AIDs treatment on the NHS and having houses full of wide screen tv's and sky plus and fridges and being giving coupons to buy acorns by the government and pretty soon you won't be able to walk around knightsbridge without being jostled by grey squirrels in burkas and they claim to be an indigineous (spelling?) species but do they support the red squirrels in the cricket? do they buffalo!

[bend sinister]

this looks a bit like someone finds them shifty, or maybe just another 'Daily Mail outrage'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/a ... ge_id=1770" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[SophieC]

this looks a bit like someone finds them shifty, or maybe just another 'Daily Mail outrage'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/a ... ge_id=1770" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

he group - whose songs include Disney's Dream Debased and DIY Meat - have released 95 albums since forming in 1976.

they're just making things up! they haven't released 95 albums the mongs. did they just pick those songs at random then? i've never heard of them.

Franz Ferdinand, The Smiths, Nirvana and the Happy Mondays have all named The Fall as inspiration.

no they never!

Last night a music industry source said: "I don't know what would be worse for Mark E Smith's image - being found guilty of killing squirrels, or the RSPCA finding out he made up the claims."

yeah because a man who's sniffed glue for 46 years, talks like a fridge with a tracheotomy, has a face like mummified scrotum and finds all his clothes in bins outside delousing units really cares about his image.

[Woodbine]

Surely he was just talking rubbish to the reporter? I mean he's not exactly known for his insightful attitude to interviews is he? Shock horror, the Fall aren't popular with Daily Mail readers.

I reckon squirrels are quite good. Although I draw the line at letting them eat out of my hand like the weirdos in St James's Park do.

[bend sinister]

yeah because a man who's sniffed glue for 46 years, talks like a fridge with a tracheotomy, has a face like mummified scrotum and finds all his clothes in bins outside delousing units really cares about his image.

[/making things up]

anyways, squirrels aren't all that shifty, are they?

[madcat]

I reckon these squirrels are rather terrifyingly shifty.

Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'

Local people suggest hunger is driving squirrels to extremes
Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report.

Passers-by were too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute.

They are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh.

A pine cone shortage may have led the squirrels to seek other food sources,

[quaycur]

Whoa. I had a horrible dream about squirrels the other night. Black squirrels were swarming all over my legs, and I had to pick up a rock and smash them.

Does this mean I'm becoming Mark E. Smith?

[DefenderOfPants]

whoa. i've never seen a black squirrel before. they look kind of scary.

i used to have a pretty good relationship with squirrels. i'd feed them cheerios when they came to the door. cheerios and bits of bread.
then one day i accidentally hit a squirrel with my car. and i guess word got around because after that i didn't see them anymore.

[a layer of chips]

this looks a bit like someone finds them shifty, or maybe just another 'Daily Mail outrage'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/a ... ge_id=1770" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

What a man.

Jamie - they have released 95 albums.

[Gordon]

he group - whose songs include Disney's Dream Debased and DIY Meat - have released 95 albums since forming in 1976.

they're just making things up! they haven't released 95 albums the mongs. did they just pick those songs at random then? i've never heard of them.

According to wackypedia and some creative maths, it's between 94 and 96 albums.

[SophieC]

this looks a bit like someone finds them shifty, or maybe just another 'Daily Mail outrage'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/a ... ge_id=1770" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

What a man.

Jamie - they have released 95 albums.

what? studio albums? i've done equations in my head and that's one album every sixteen minutes. that can't be right.

[a layer of chips]

No, not studio albums.

[SophieC]

look sam:



they watch you and rummage through your pants when you go to work.

[Jeezy Creezy]

A squirrel patroles the area outside my aunt's house in LA preventing me from sitting on the porch with a book as it is apt to hover on the fence above my head and LOOK at me. There's Blair Witch style video footage of glimpses of squirrell amidst trees and the camera person (me)running and screaming hysterically.

[Gordon]

look sam:



they watch you and rummage through your pants when you go to work.

I have a similar memory of mad squirrels in Kingston, Ontario. My friend told me of a mad squirrel jumping on to her screen window cover in the middle of the night, waking her up with a loud thud, and because it was backlit by a street-lamp through her window blinds, the first thing she saw was the image of a massive squirrel shadow, a sort of inverse bat-signal.

[jayen_aitch]

I know I'm meant to hate those grey ones... but its impossible when you look at their little, all-seeing faces.

[gloom button]

I feel the same way about god.